Bad to the Bone

If you want to know how to be cool in Latin America, here are some tips (some of them apply anywhere in the world):

• If you work at a park, wear all green (i.e., fatigues) with black army boots.
• If you're a motorcycle cop—the kind that rides a dual-purpose bike—wear all green, army boots, and a fully equipped load-bearing vest. Never mind the fact that none of the little pouches in your vest have grenades or extra clips, or that you're carrying just a .38 Special.
• If you work security at a supermarket, wear what appears to be a bullet-proof vest. Don't bother with a gun, of course.
• If you're wearing a backpack, make sure to sling only one strap over your shoulder (this one is universal).
• Wear your sweater on your back with the sleeves wrapped around your neck, like we used to do in the States about 25 years ago (that's not back, is it?).